drone express
We are introducing Phenomenex Drone Express, where we are doing what we were born to do! Fly your products through the air the minute you order and maybe (if you are lucky) land at a lab near you!

Why have your products delivered by boring regular trucks, when you can have them flown to your lab in less than 30 minutes! With Phenomenex Drone Express you can have your lab supplies dropped off within a 60-mile radius of your lab’s front door—so convenient!

Our drones are made of recycled HPLC and GC column hardware to create an iconic shiny and futuristic look. This particular look also ensures that you will be able to tell the drone apart from a flock of seagulls (both the birds and the band), government drones, and Pegasus’.

The patented “droning” hum announces when your delivery has arrived. However, our lawyers have informed us that we must disclose that if you hear this hum that sounds familiar to a swarm of angry bees, that it can either be your delivery—or indeed, a swarm of angry of bees.

Our fleet of drones are built with specialized tracking that lets us know where they will be, have been, and where they are going. This ensures that our drone returns to Phenomenex and that it has not been dronenapped to serve you and your lab mates pizza, competitor products, or even deliver you a puppy.

Some of your favorite products can be delivered to you via our specialized drone fleet! Like Lab Yummies™, ChromAddicts Album, Phenomenex Fragrances, HPLC columns, Lab Wow’s, Verex, Vials, and Vial Kits, and Luna™ Omega LC Columns, and even Zebron® ZB-5MS Plus.

Does Phenomenex Drone Express sound like it’s for you? Check it out now to claim your lifetime 30-minute or less drone delivery for products all year long! 

Disclaimer:
If the drone actually makes it to your lab, please do not ask us if you can keep it, even though they are really cool. These drones are exclusive property of Phenomenex and must be allowed to return to the Phenomenex campus to be fed and watered. Drones should not be held for ransom in exchange for nerdbirds, nerdsocks, mousepads, or additional Phenomenex swag. Phenomenex is not responsible for any damages sustained to your shipments or to the order recipients as a result of drone delivery. No drones, unicorns, Easter bunnies or scientists were harmed during the making of this April Fool’s Joke. However, legal did roll their eyes at the marketing department when they read this disclaimer (typical). Happy April fool’s day from your friendly and wacky Phenomenex family!

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